Paranoia...

Every time one of our children get sick, paranoia sets in. We were always concerned parents, but not like this. Not since Lucas died. Russ is worse than me. His way of grieving Lucas (not that he'd admit) has been him being overly paranoid about our living children's health. It borders OCD. He drags me in sometimes, like last night.
Quinn came down with a fever late yesterday afternoon. When he went to bed he was very congested and had a hard time breathing. I laid awake listening to him struggle thinking the worst. How could I survive another loss. It is a stupid game I play in my head sometimes. What if so and so died, how could I get through. It is worse when I imagine my children.
Quinn woke up at 4 am when the ibuprofen wore off. I got up to get him more medicine no problem, and I think I had a panic attack. The room started spinning, cold sweats, and I wanted to vomit. I was ready to pass out, Russ called 911 (I think he plays the game too). I told him I didn't want them to come (thank heavens they didn't), just let me lay in bed. After a couple of hours and much needed sleep I am feeling better.
How long are these anxieties going to last. I hope not a lifetime. Maybe as Quinn gets older, the worry will fade a little. I have forgotten to turn to God and let him take my burdens. Pray, I need to pray.