Finding Out

I thought it might be time I write this...

This story begins in a most unusual place, 20 years ago. My beloved second sister gave birth to a 26-week baby boy born still. This definitely is not the cause of my story, but it will always make me question the outcome. I mean, what are the chances of proverbial lightning striking twice in the same family... what are the chances.

Friday, November 17th, 2006 - 24 weeks
Saw my OB for a regular check. Every thing was good. After all, it had been a textbook pregnancy. She said that if anything were to happen, he is far enough along that he could be saved. At the time, I thought, what a strange thing to say. I remember telling her how active the baby was. He moved so much I would tell him to knock it off or he was going to get all tangled up in there. How prophetic.

Tuesday, November 21st, 2006 - 25 weeks
Today was the day we were really getting ready for Christmas. Russ was doing major Christmas lights outside and I was setting up my Christmas village. Lucas' movements really slowed down. I was not sure if it was my paranoia setting in. After my sister's experience, I always get a little nervous at 26 weeks. It happened with every one of my pregnancies. In the evening we all went Christmas light shopping (because there just weren't enough) at Target and talking Russ into letting me buya machine to listen to the baby's heartbeat. After all, I reasoned, it was cheaper than going to get checked at the hospital (which I did at this time with every pregnancy). I never got it to work.

Thursday, November 23rd, 2006 (Thanksgiving)
My niece asked me if she could feel the baby move. I said sure, he moves a lot. I waited all night and he never moved. I started to get really worried, but never told anyone that I was concerned.
Friday, November 24th, 2006
I had to work a shift at the hospital. I told my co-workers that I was concerned and they had me drink a glass of orange juice. Still no movement. After my shift was over, I just stopped into
L & D (not the hospital I would deliver at) and asked the nurse if she could just find a heartbeat and I would be satisfied. She found his heartbeat and said it sounds like the blood flow through the cord was good. She also suggested that I go to my hospital and get checked. Russ and I discussed this a lot and we decided not to since we didn't have maternity insurance and it would cost $300-$500 to go. I went home and Russ did some talking to my belly to try to get him to move and he gave 1 big kick.

Monday, November 27th, 2006 - 26 weeks
Sleep evaded me. I tossed and turned all night. Every time I moved, it felt like a dead weight (no pun intended) in my belly. When I woke up I did not tell Russ I was concerned. I had been telling him all week that I haven't been feeling him move, and he just kept talking me out of being worried. After all, I have done this 3 other times and always get paranoid around 26 weeks. What are the chances. I waited for him to go to work then I called my OB. They told me to go straight to the hospital. I told them I needed to wait to get my kids off to school. My parents stopped by and my dad offered a prayer and said some things in the prayer that made me see the reality of what was happening. This was the first time I was really scared. At the time, Max was in 2nd grade (7 years old), Mitchell was in afternoon kindergarten, and Shelby was 2. As soon as I got Mitchell off to kindergarten and Shelby to a neighbor's, I went to the hospital. When I got there it was 12:30 pm and they told me they were expecting me sooner and that everyone was at lunch (this was the maternal-fetal medicine dept.) and to come back at 1:00 pm. So I went to the lobby and read a book. As soon as I could I checked in and they took me straight back for a non-stress test. It was a room full of women on fetal monitors. As soon as the nurse put the ultrasound on my belly I could see that Lucas was curled up in the fetal position lying on the bottom of my uterus. No heartbeat. I was trying so hard to not let that animal cry take over. After all, I was in a room full of pregnant women. The nurse excused herself to go talk to a doctor. I was in tears and all alone. She came back to take me to a private room and the doctor confirmed that he had passed. The nurse called my husband. He definitely was not expecting this call.

nurse: "Is this Russell? I have your wife here in the hospital."

Russ was in a really bad place that didn't get great cell phone reception. I can only imagine his response "What?"

nurse: "Sir, your baby has died."

The line went dead, reception cut off. She called him back.

nurse: "How soon can you get here?"

I couldn't speak. She put me in the doctor's private office and I started making phone calls. Russ was coming from across town. It seemed like forever. I asked for a phone book and the first call I made was to my sister who was teaching school. Then Russ, begging him to hurry. I was so stupid to be here alone. Next, to my neighbor who was watching Shelby. She started calling everyone in the neighborhood, starting with the Bishop. The LDS church is a well oiled machine. One person and the ball gets rolling.
What seemed like an eternity but was only 40 minutes, Russ arrived red eyed and bawling. He always had a tender heart, more willing to cry than me (thanks to genes from his mom). We just held each other and sobbed in the hallway. They ushered us into the private office, after all, they couldn't have parents standing around doing the ugly cry when it is supposed to be a happy place.
Russ, my parents, and I went to my OB's office to discuss our options. My parents were leaving for Alabama so wouldn't be able to be there when I delivered. Why I didn't beg them to stay is beyond me. I think I just didn't want to inconvenience them. I decided that I couldn't spend a night at home like this. It was hard enough going home to see the crib and the new outfit I had just bought him the previous weekend. I would be induced that evening. I had to be. How could I go to bed that night and sleep like nothing happened. Honestly, I was scared to have a dead baby in me any longer than possible.
We went home to pick up our kids and tell them the news. Of course they didn't fully understand until they saw Lucas.
I really had convinced myself that I was just being paraniod, but deep, deep down somewhere, I knew. D' Nile is not just a river in Africa.

Continued......