Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

I just returned from a trip to my sister Minda's house in Wisconsin. I got to spend 5 days with all of my sisters and my Mom. Russ was a trooper and took care of the kids while I was away. It was hard tearing myself away from them, but I was looking forward to some adult time.
While I was gone I realized that I missed all of those people who try my patience on a daily basis. I realized that those people back home were really the only ones who loved me unconditionally. I wanted so badly just to be back home with them.

Don't get me wrong, I know my Mom and my sisters love me, and I love them, but except for the occasional visits and holidays, I haven't lived with my sisters for 25 years. In the past I was always looking for acceptance from my sisters, trying to be on level with them. After this trip, I realized I need to stop looking for approval from the outside and feel confidence within myself.

Let me give a little background. I was born as a direct result of Saturday's Warrior. This movie was the church's unintentional attempt at guilting people into having more children. My parents already had their family. 3 girls ages 16-9. My sisters ganged up on my parents and convinced them to have another baby. My oldest sister Kristy promised my Mom she would take care of me when she wasn't in school. My parents succumbed to the pressure and I was born. 3 years later Kristy married and started her own family. Diana went to college 4 years after I was born and married right after she graduated. Minda and I had a love hate relationship. I loved her, she hated me. She hated me for taking her place as the youngest one in the family. We all know the benefits the youngest sibling gets. I am otherwise know as 'the golden child'. She moved out and got married when I was 13. Growing up I always felt like I wasn't completely part of this family. Like I was an only child, but not.

While I was on this trip, I came to realize that the family that I have made with Russ is the family I feel complete with. My husband and kids love me no matter what and I love them no matter what. Of course it is not perfect, we fight, take each other for granted, and sometimes treat each other with less respect than we should, but we love each other deeply. I want to spend as much of my free time I can with them because I know that one day soon my kids will be all grown up and family time together will be less frequent. After walking in the door after being gone for 5 days and buring my head in my husband's chest, I was overcome by just how much I missed him. I realized I was finally with the person I trusted enough to share all my crap with and he just will love me through it all. I have also discovered how much I love my husband. The kind of love that keeps growing and knows no bounds. He is not perfect and I let him know every day, but I also know that I am not perfect (gosh that was hard to say). He is my eternal companion, and I don't want to change anything about him. He is tender, kind, and is attracted to me no matter what I look like. It is also nice to be missed by your children. I must be doing something right when they begged me not to leave. Just look at what 5 days apart can do for a marriage!